This is 40?
Recently, well over a few weeks ago, I had the pleasure to begrudgingly celebrate my 40th birthday and it seems I have not recovered from the event. Suddenly as if right on cue, my knees can no longer be trusted and talks of my health creep into every conversation.
No longer can I intoxicate myself into oblivion as my body hurts in ways it has never hurt before.
At what point would I be eligible for a midlife crisis and with my adhd, what would be the best way to go about it? How long will I be a stay at home dad, and does my son also have adhd? Will I have more children and am I ready to meet other parents? Going to the park is weird enough, what will I say at PTA meetings?
The internet no longer feels wild and free. Between the algorithms and the ai, the world wide web doesn’t feel wide or worldly at all. I guess that’s why we don’t type www anymore. The curated web feels small and limited. All roads lead back to social media, the plantations of the online universe.
I feel old and antiquated. Unable to feel joy for the world as it is. Hoping to find an escape, but there is none. I’ll have to create one, but not all is lost.
After quite some time, I now understand the inide animation and comic community as there are so many projects, it would be virtually impossible to track them all. Every creator has to work the field of social media to gain recognition from the masters at bigger studios so there isn’t much unity. Every project pretends to be the only project and it’s difficult to coexist with other artist without feeling a sense of seething competition.
With the limited time I do have, I don’t see how I can compete with any existing projects. The more I see the efforts of others, the more I realize my many shortcomings. So… I’ve scrapped all projects for a more lose cannon approach. Whatever I make, is whatever I make at the time.
I’ve heard when you turn 40, you stop caring about most things and that appears to be somewhat true. I no longer know where I fit in, and I no longer care if I fit in. I just want for my loved ones to feel loved and taken care of.
