The Battle of Self Worth

I know I’m not perfect; far from it. In fact, I couldn’t even pretend to be such a person. I can speak with confidence but in the end there’s so much I don’t know and I’m usually the last person to learn things I wish I knew.

With art, it’s the same. I enjoy making it, but I know I’m not the best. Sometimes I’m scared to share anything I’m working on because there are so many other artist that I look up to, it’s intimidating. Somewhere theres a kid half my age doing things I’ve never even imagined and if I allow those thoughts to permeate, I would cripple myself with doubt.

I may feel the way I do, but I also think I’m deserving of love just like any other person. People shouldn’t have to be extraordinary for someone to take an interest them. This belief that you need to be special for someone to care about you is complete bullshit to me. It’s okay to be boring and it’s okay to be normal.

I barley graduated high school because I wanted to drop out and learn to live off the land in the woods somewhere. Even though I knew I had adhd, I didn’t know much about it as a teen, and I struggled with trying to make sense of the hurricane in my head. I asked for help, I contemplated hurting myself, and people I looked up to cast me aside.

Twenty plus years later, I finally understand how my brain works and might not be a fan, but at least I know how to have fun.

I keep to myself because I don’t want a million friends, I struggle with remembering names, and I like my personal space.

If you can relate, let’s be friends. I want to create a safe place for like minded individuals, especially those with neurological disabilities, but you don’t need to be disabled to enjoy my corner of the interwebs. You don’t need to be anything.

Even at 39, I struggle with ideas of self worth and I’ve given up more times then I can count. What’s changed, is that I discovered a woman who has shown me the unconditional love that I didn’t experience as a child.

When I met her, it was like the clouds opened to a harmonious symphony with a choir singing to me in the background. All I could see was her looking back at me as if she already knew me.

Together we have a child and she asked me if I could be a stay at home dad. Even when she was pregnant, I was taking on freelance work and looking for more work, so it came to me as a surprise. I didn’t have ‘stay at home dad’ on my bingo chart and I never considered it until she asked me.

So now that my son is getting older, I want to show him that anything is possible. As much as I love our time together I want him to understand that work is essential to life and I want to show him how to work from home just like his parents.

If you’re struggling with ideas of self worth or a neurological disability, I want you to know you deserve to be loved just the way you are. I want to show you that happiness is possible when you stop trying to impress people and just live your life.